dear self,

WTF?

so in over my head right now.  boo :(

one final down, one more to go!  it feels good to be almost done.  i really can't wait to be able to start playing and goofing off with everyone.  who's in? 

studying neuroscience all day tomorrow - last time until medical school! (hopefully)

i made a very exciting purchase today.  it's a fun secret that nobody gets to know about!  (well except for my roommates, because we all ooh-ed and aah-ed over it tonight) ;-p 

 song of the day:  stereophonics, "a thousand trees"

 

 

back from a wonderful time in florida - although it was cold and rainy for the latter half of the trip. will post pictures from it soon. soon being as soon as i can get them off my sister and dad and can figure out how to put them up here! i got to do some shopping in the rain while in naples and found this really great 1950's looking shoulder bag in a really cute boutiquey shop - very excited to bust that baby out with a skirt and big floppy hat and giant sunglasses. so audrey hepburn.

since i've been back things have been going well. yesterday i drove for the first time since my last big panic attack - something i haven't been able to do in a very long time. so i'm pleased. things are going well and i'm making great progress on my thesis too - even though i only have about 1/3 of it written. i emailed dr. M some questions i had re: writing it, but have yet to receive a response, as i was later informed that she is off sunning herself on the beach in turkey or some such nonsense.

the coolest thing i've been doing since i've been home is learning how to use power tools. i'm working on refinishing my old dresser that was damaged in the fire and in doing so have been introduced to the wonderful world of power sanders. they are AWESOME. and if i may say so myself, i feel pretty badass wielding one - you know, getting all jacked in the arms and covered in sawdusty goodness...very ty pennington a la trading spaces...except for the whole part about my being a girl. later this week i get to go to home depot and get some sort of cool thing called a beveler or something so that i can sand all the notches and grooves in the woodwork. then finally i'll get to paint it all so that i have a nice piece of my own furniture once i graduate.

right so that's it - how's life at bc guys? did everyone have a nice week off? i miss you all and can't wait to come back. have a green beer or two for me on st. patrick's day!

can't you just feel the moon shine?

maybe not here, but in NC you can.

on friday night at about 2am, i crept from the comfy confines of my favorite couch in my family's living room and peered outside to catch one of the best moments that living in the woods in north carolina has to offer. once a month when the moon is full, it shines right through all the trees that surround my house at some critical angle and it lights up the entire back yard with the most beautiful wash of silver. and in the silence the world actually seems to stop. kind of makes you feel like god is smiling down on you.

or at least the man in the moon :-)

ever feel like the world is turned upside down and inside out?

everything is so wrong and just the opposite of what it should be these days. lately i feel like an outsider in this life i've created for myself - like an unwelcome guest who is just a lousy, messy imposition on everyone else's existence (including my own). and it's the most horrible feeling ever.

it all makes me want to run away and never come back.

i just got home and the apartment is empty. and i feel so lonely.

i really miss paul.

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. 1984, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Bronte
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Susskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie
101. Three Men In A Boat, Jerome K. Jerome
102. Small Gods, Terry Pratchett
103. The Beach, Alex Garland
104. Dracula, Bram Stoker
105. Point Blanc, Anthony Horowitz
106. The Pickwick Papers, Charles Dickens
107. Stormbreaker, Anthony Horowitz
108. The Wasp Factory, Iain Banks
109. The Day Of The Jackal, Frederick Forsyth
110. The Illustrated Mum, Jacqueline Wilson
111. Jude The Obscure, Thomas Hardy
112. The Secret Diary Of Adrian Mole Aged 13 1/2, Sue Townsend
113. The Cruel Sea, Nicholas Monsarrat
114. Les Miserables, Victor Hugo
115. The Mayor Of Casterbridge, Thomas Hardy
116. The Dare Game, Jacqueline Wilson
117. Bad Girls, Jacqueline Wilson
118. The Picture Of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
119. Shogun, James Clavell
120. The Day Of The Triffids, John Wyndham
121. Lola Rose, Jacqueline Wilson
122. Vanity Fair, William Makepeace Thackeray
123. The Forsyte Saga, John Galsworthy
124. House Of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski
125. The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver
126. Reaper Man, Terry Pratchett
127. Angus, Thongs And Full-Frontal Snogging, Louise Rennison
128. The Hound Of The Baskervilles, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
129. Possession, A. S. Byatt
130. The Master And Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov
131. The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood
132. Danny The Champion Of The World, Roald Dahl
133. East Of Eden, John Steinbeck
134. George's Marvellous Medicine, Roald Dahl
135. Wyrd Sisters, Terry Pratchett
136. The Color Purple, Alice Walker
137. Hogfather, Terry Pratchett
138. The Thirty-Nine Steps, John Buchan
139. Girls In Tears, Jacqueline Wilson
140. Sleepovers, Jacqueline Wilson
141. All Quiet On The Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque
142. Behind The Scenes At The Museum, Kate Atkinson
143. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
144. It, Stephen King
145. James And The Giant Peach, Roald Dahl
146. The Green Mile, Stephen King
147. Papillon, Henri Charriere
148. Men At Arms, Terry Pratchett
149. Master And Commander, Patrick O'Brian
150. Skeleton Key, Anthony Horowitz
151. Soul Music, Terry Pratchett
152. Thief Of Time, Terry Pratchett
153. The Fifth Elephant, Terry Pratchett
154. Atonement, Ian McEwan
155. Secrets, Jacqueline Wilson
156. The Silver Sword, Ian Serraillier
157. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, Ken Kesey
158. Heart Of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
159. Kim, Rudyard Kipling
160. Cross Stitch, Diana Gabaldon
161. Moby Dick, Herman Melville
162. River God, Wilbur Smith
163. Sunset Song, Lewis Grassic Gibbon
164. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
165. The World According To Garp, John Irving
166. Lorna Doone, R. D. Blackmore
167. Girls Out Late, Jacqueline Wilson
168. The Far Pavilions, M. M. Kaye
169. The Witches, Roald Dahl
170. Charlotte's Web, E. B. White
171. Frankenstein, Mary Shelley
172. They Used To Play On Grass, Terry Venables and Gordon Williams
173. The Old Man And The Sea, Ernest Hemingway
174. The Name Of The Rose, Umberto Eco
175. Sophie's World, Jostein Gaarder
176. Dustbin Baby, Jacqueline Wilson
177. Fantastic Mr. Fox, Roald Dahl
178. Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov
179. Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, Richard Bach
180. The Little Prince, Antoine De Saint-Exupery
181. The Suitcase Kid, Jacqueline Wilson
182. Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens
183. The Power Of One, Bryce Courtenay
184. Silas Marner, George Eliot
185. American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis
186. The Diary Of A Nobody, George and Weedon Gross-mith
187. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
188. Goosebumps, R. L. Stine
189. Heidi, Johanna Spyri
190. Sons And Lovers, D. H. Lawrence
191. The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera
192. Man And Boy, Tony Parsons
193. The Truth, Terry Pratchett
194. The War Of The Worlds, H. G. Wells
195. The Horse Whisperer, Nicholas Evans
196. A Fine Balance, Rohinton Mistry
197. Witches Abroad, Terry Pratchett
198. The Once And Future King, T. H. White
199. The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle
200. Flowers In The Attic, Virginia Andrews
201. The Silmarillion, J.R.R. Tolkien
202. The Eye of the World, Robert Jordan
203. The Great Hunt, Robert Jordan
204. The Dragon Reborn, Robert Jordan
205. Fires of Heaven, Robert Jordan
206. Lord of Chaos, Robert Jordan
207. Winter's Heart, Robert Jordan
208. A Crown of Swords, Robert Jordan
209. Crossroads of Twilight, Robert Jordan
210. A Path of Daggers, Robert Jordan
211. As Nature Made Him, John Colapinto
212. Microserfs, Douglas Coupland
213. The Married Man, Edmund White
214. Winter's Tale, Mark Helprin
215. The History of Sexuality, Michel Foucault
216. Cry to Heaven, Anne Rice
217. Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe, John Boswell
218. Equus, Peter Shaffer
219. The Man Who Ate Everything, Jeffrey Steingarten
220. Letters To A Young Poet, Rainer Maria Rilke
221. Ella Minnow Pea, Mark Dunn
222. The Vampire Lestat, Anne Rice
223. Anthem, Ayn Rand
224. The Bridge To Terabithia, Katherine Paterson
225. Tartuffe, Moliere
226. The Metamorphosis, Franz Kafka
227. The Crucible, Arthur Miller
228. The Trial, Franz Kafka
229. Oedipus Rex, Sophocles
230. Oedipus at Colonus, Sophocles
231. Death Be Not Proud, John Gunther
232. A Doll's House, Henrik Ibsen
233. Hedda Gabler, Henrik Ibsen
234. Ethan Frome, Edith Wharton
235. A Raisin In The Sun, Lorraine Hansberry
236. ALIVE!, Piers Paul Read
237. Grapefruit, Yoko Ono
238. Trickster Makes This World, Lewis Hyde
240. The Mists of Avalon, Marion Zimmer Bradley
241. Chronicles of Thomas Convenant, Unbeliever, Stephen Donaldson
242. Lord of Light, Roger Zelazny
242. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay, Michael Chabon
243. Summerland, Michael Chabon
244. A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy Toole
245. Candide, Voltaire
246. The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More, Roald Dahl
247. Ringworld, Larry Niven
248. The King Must Die, Mary Renault
249. Stranger in a Strange Land, Robert Heinlein
250. A Wrinkle in Time, Madeline L'Engle
251. The Eyre Affair, Jasper Fforde
252. The House Of The Seven Gables, Nathaniel Hawthorne
253. The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne
254. The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan
255. The Great Gilly Hopkins, Katherine Paterson
256. Chocolate Fever, Robert Kimmel Smith
257. Xanth: The Quest for Magic, Piers Anthony
258. The Lost Princess of Oz, L. Frank Baum
259. Wonder Boys, Michael Chabon
260. Lost In A Good Book, Jasper Fforde
261. Well Of Lost Plots, Jasper Fforde
261. Life Of Pi, Yann Martel
263. The Bean Trees, Barbara Kingsolver
264. A Yellow Rraft In Blue Water, Michael Dorris
265. Little House on the Prairie, Laura Ingalls Wilder
267. Where The Red Fern Grows, Wilson Rawls
268. Griffin & Sabine, Nick Bantock
269. Witch of Black Bird Pond, Joyce Friedland
270. Mrs. Frisby And The Rats Of NIMH, Robert C. O'Brien
271. Tuck Everlasting, Natalie Babbitt
272. The Cay, Theodore Taylor
273. From The Mixed-Up Files Of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, E.L. Konigsburg
274. The Phantom Tollbooth, Norton Jester
275. The Westing Game, Ellen Raskin
276. The Kitchen God's Wife, Amy Tan
277. The Bone Setter's Daughter, Amy Tan
278. Relic, Duglas Preston & Lincolon Child
279. Wicked, Gregory Maguire
280. American Gods, Neil Gaiman
281. Misty of Chincoteague, Marguerite Henry
282. The Girl Next Door, Jack Ketchum
283. Haunted, Judith St. George
284. Singularity, William Sleator
285. A Short History of Nearly Everything, Bill Bryson
286. Different Seasons, Stephen King
287. Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk
288. About a Boy, Nick Hornby
289. The Bookman's Wake, John Dunning
290. The Church of Dead Girls, Stephen Dobyns
291. Illusions, Richard Bach
292. Magic's Pawn, Mercedes Lackey
293. Magic's Promise, Mercedes Lackey
294. Magic's Price, Mercedes Lackey
295. The Dancing Wu Li Masters, Gary Zukav
296. Spirits of Flux and Anchor, Jack L. Chalker
297. Interview with the Vampire, Anne Rice
298. The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, Brenda Love
299. Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace
300. The Bluest Eye, Toni Morrison
301. The Cider House Rules, John Irving
302. Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card
303. Girlfriend in a Coma, Douglas Coupland
304. The Lion's Game, Nelson Demille
305. The Sun, The Moon, and the Stars, Stephen Brust
306. Cyteen, C. J. Cherryh
307. Foucault's Pendulum, Umberto Eco
308. Cryptonomicon, Neal Stephenson
309. Invisible Monsters, Chuck Palahniuk
310. Camber of Culdi, Kathryn Kurtz
311. The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand
312. War and Rememberance, Herman Wouk
313. The Art of War, Sun Tzu
314. The Giver, Lois Lowry
315. The Telling, Ursula K. Le Guin
316. Xenogenesis (or Lilith's Brood), Octavia Butler
317. A Civil Campaign, Lois McMaster Bujold
318. The Curse of Chalion, Lois McMaster Bujold
319. The Aeneid, Publius Vergilius Maro (Vergil)
320. Hanta Yo, Ruth Beebe Hill
321. The Princess Bride, S. Morgenstern (William Goldman)
322. Beowulf, Anonymous
323. The Sparrow, Maria Doria Russell
324. Deerskin, Robin McKinley
325. Dragonsong, Anne McCaffrey
326. Passage, Connie Willis
327. Otherland, Tad Williams
328. Tigana, Guy Gavriel Kay
329. Number the Stars, Lois Lowry
330. Beloved, Toni Morrison
331. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, Christopher Moore
332. The mysterious disappearance of Leon, I mean Noel, Ellen Raskin
333. Summer Sisters, Judy Blume
334. The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Victor Hugo
335. The Interpreter, Suzanne Glass
336. The Moor's Last Sigh, Salman Rushdie
337. The Mother Tongue, Bill Bryson
338. A Passage to India, E.M. Forster
339. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky
340. The Phantom of the Opera, Gaston Leroux
341. Pages for You, Sylvia Brownrigg
342. The Changeover, Margaret Mahy
343. Howl's Moving Castle, Diana Wynne Jones
344. Angels and Demons, Dan Brown
345. Johnny Got His Gun, Dalton Trumbo
346. Shosha, Isaac Bashevis Singer
347. Travels With Charley, John Steinbeck
348. The Diving-bell and the Butterfly by Jean-Dominique Bauby
349. The Lunatic at Large by J. Storer Clouston
350. Time for bed by David Baddiel
351. Barrayar by Lois McMaster Bujold
352. Quite Ugly One Morning by Christopher Brookmyre
353. The Bloody Sun by Marion Zimmer Bradley
354. Sewer, Gas, and Eletric by Matt Ruff
355. Jhereg by Steven Brust
356. So You Want To Be A Wizard by Diane Duane
357. Perdido Street Station, China Mieville
358. The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, Anne Bronte
359. Road-side Dog, Czeslaw Milosz
360. The English Patient, Michael Ondaatje
361. Neuromancer, William Gibson
362. The Epistemology of the Closet, Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick
363. A Canticle for Liebowitz, Walter M. Miller, Jr
364. The Mask of Apollo, Mary Renault
365. The Gunslinger, Stephen King
366. Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare
367. Absalom, Absalom, William Faulkner
368. The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway
369. Dreamhouse, Alison Habens
370. Hyperion, by Dan Simmons
371. Prospero's Children, Jan Siegel
372. Gaudy Night, Dorothy Sayers
373. Guns, Germs, and Steel, Jared Diamond
374. Enchantment, Orson Scott Card
375. Cetaganda, Lois McMaster Bujold
376. Beauty, Sheri S. Tepper
377. The Hour of the Star, Clarice Lispector
378. The Patron Saint of Liars, Ann Patchett
379. Sexing the Cherry, Jeanette Winterson.
380. A wizard of Earthsea, Ursula K. Le Guin.
381. Assassin's Apprentice, Robin Hobb.
382. The Axis Trilogy, Sara Douglass
383. Peter Pan, J. M. Barrie
384. Sabriel, Garth Nix
385. Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman
386. The Silence of the Lambs, Robert Harris
387. The Hot Zone, Richard Preston
388. Talking to High Monks in the Snow, by Lydia Minatoya
389. The Women of Brewster Place, by Gloria Naylor
390. Their Eyes were Watching God, by Zora Neale Hurston
391. The Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Bird
392. The DaVinci Code, Dan Brown
393. Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut
394. Hannibal, Thomas Harris
395. The Hours, Michael Cunningham
396. A Home At the End of the World, Michel Cunningham
397. Dangerous Angels, Francesca Lia Block
398. The Truth About Unicorns, Bonnie Jones Reynolds
399. L.I.E., David Hollander
400. The Iliad, Homer
401. Bel Canto, Anne Patchett
402. Terraforming Earth, Jack Williamson
403. Acts of Faith, Erich Segal
404. The Hottest State, Ethan Hawke
405. All Creatures Great and Small, James Herriot
406. Remember When, J. D. Robb/Nora Roberts
407. Broken Doll, (Can't remember author at the moment)
408. Belinda, Anne Rampling
409. Northanger Abbey, Jane Austen
410. Circle of Friends, Maeve Binchy
411. The Things They Carried, Tim O'Brien
412. Chocolat, Joanne Harris
413. Stardust, Neil Gaiman
414. Everything and a Kite, Ray Romano
415. The Island on Bird Street, Uri Orlev
416. Midnight in the Dollhouse, Marjorie Filley Stover
417. The Miracle Worker, William Gibson
418. The Genesis Code, John Case
419. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Robert Louis Stevensen
420. Paradise Lost, John Milton
421. Phantom, Susan Kay
422. The Mummy or Ramses the Damned, Anne Rice
423. Anno Dracula, Kim Newman
424: The Dresden Files: Grave Peril, Jim Butcher
425: Tokyo Suckerpunch, Issac Adamson
426: The Winter of Magic's Return, Pamela Service
427: The Oddkins, Dean R. Koontz
428. My Name is Asher Lev, Chaim Potok
429. The Last Goodbye, Raymond Chandler
430. At Swim, Two Boys, Jaime O'Neill
431. Othello, by William Shakespeare
432. The Collected Poems of Dylan Thomas
433. The Collected Poems of William Butler Yeats
434. Sati, Christopher Pike
435. The Inferno, Dante
436. The Apology, Plato
437. The Small Rain, Madeline L'Engle
438. The Man Who Tasted Shapes, Richard E Cytowick
439. 5 Novels, Daniel Pinkwater
440. The Sevenwaters Trilogy, Juliet Marillier
441. Girl with a Pearl Earring, Tracy Chevalier
442. To the Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf
443. Our Town, Thorton Wilder
444. Green Grass Running Water, Thomas King
445. The Unfinished Tales, J.R.R. Tolkien (Christopher Tolkien)
446. 2001: A Space Odyssey, Arthur C. Clarke
447. Robin Hood, unknown
448. The Death of Superman, Roger Stern
449. The Vampire Armand, Anne Rice
450. Hamlet, William Shakespeare
451. A Game of Thrones, Book 1 of A Song of Ice and Fire, George R. R. Martin
452. Puddinhead Wilson, Mark Twain
453. The Testament, John Grishom
454. The Street Lawyer, John Grishom
453. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold
454. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
455. No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre

456. The Plague - Camus

457. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

458. The Jungle - Upton Sinclair

459. The Idea Factory - Pepper White

460. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn - Betty Smith

461. Scheherazade Goes West - Fatema Mernissi

462. Pale Fire - Vladimir Nabokov

i just finished taking my first full-length mcat in preparation for the real one in august. it was definitely a tricky test - but certainly manageable, assuredly boring (except for some cool questions about signalling cascades that control blood pressure), and i left feeling OK about it all - although i'm not expecting even a remotely respectable score. it just feels good to know that i can do this, with a little hard work thrown in here and there.

it's been so nice to be back at 1942 for the summer. i feel so relaxed and happy and it's just incredible. getting here was no easy feat though - sunday through tuesday night were by far the worst days of my year so far. i woke up and was pretty sick early on sunday and ended up in the emergency room for a big chunk of the morning - not cool. once i got home i fell asleep for quite a while and basically missed my entire last day at home - including family time and valuable time needed for packing and planning what was starting to look like an ill-fated road trip back to boston. and ill fated it was.
i left on monday morning with kate and we made excellent time all the way up to piscataway, NJ (which kate has deemed to sound just like "piss that away" - highly appropriate if you ask me). then on tuesday morning the shit hit the fan right around the time i hit a piece of piping that dropped off the back of a truck into the center lane of the NY state thruway where i was sandwiched between 2 18-wheelers and was driving 75 mph. needless to say once i was able to pull over i had a massive breakdown on the phone with my parents in NC and with the NY state trooper that came to file the accident report and the awesome tow truck driver named jesus who drove my broken down car that was spewing transmission fluid everywhere to the only dodge dealer this side of bumblefuck NY. luckily we ended up being right where two of kate's brothers live - and her family was fantastic - her sister in law, michelle, came and picked us up and kept our minds off of the disaster at hand. we went to west point where kate's brother works, and visited with him, went to lunch just outside the gates of west point, and by some miracle the lovely mechanics at the dealership had worked their magic and fixed my car by 4 o'clock. anyway the rest of the story is that we got back to boston around 8:30 and i'd had enough.

and now i'm back. and everything is wonderful.
my roommates, paul, everything.

i'm going to new bedford for the weekend with my roommates - will be back monday night!

so finals are upon us once again. it's always such an odd time of year, like you're in an alternate universe or somethng, and in some ways i like the way it all deviates from the norm. there's a feeling of expectancy, anticipation of things greater and beyond, of completion and freedom that just gets you so excited - and i think that's what gets you through.

still i maintain that the best thing for finals to do is to fuck off.

hahaha i crack myself up. so yeah - after 2.5 hours of sleep last night i took my HS final and hopefully did OK. now i'm taking a bit of a rest - gathering my bearings if you will - and then i'll finish up my cell cycle take home, and have one last hardcore physics extravaganza tomorrow before that exam on thursday morning. then i'm done. and it makes me smile.

paul came over last night to study with me - even though he was just reading papers for the class that he's taking at the H-unit - and it made me so happy that he would be willing to come all the way here from cambridge just to spend time with me, even if i was going to spend that time with him studying. i love how he respects the fact that i'm still in school and that i've got that whole set of priorities that needs to come before relationship stuff. but i don't think i could have met him at a better time - since we'll now have the whole summer to spend time together and to get to know one another - free of school pressures and the like. i'm excited too because i think i've convinced him to quit smoking. he's meeting my dad at the end of the week, so we'll see how that all goes - but he passed the sister test, so i think things will be ok with my dad.

so in non-boyfriend gushing related news, can i just say that i am SO EXCITED about this summer and i can't wait to spend 3 months with all of my favorite people in the world???? (NC girls i will miss you x10000000000 - you're my original favorites and always will be and you better come see me this summer or shizz is going to hit the fan :-p )

ok i was going to write more but im starving. eating seems to be my new favorite pasttime these days. oy vey.

i've done 75/195 history terms for my final at 9am tomorrow.
things are NOT moving at the speed which i would like them to.

could summer just please hurry up and get here???

in lab meeting this afternoon, medha and dr. moroianu told me that they've decided to make me a co-author of the paper that they are submitting to the journal of virology at the end of this month.

i think today may officially be the best day of my life =)

i don't know why but even stupid little things have been getting on my nerves lately and it is taking every shred of restraint in me from just stomping up and down in the middle of my living room and having a hissy fit - over nothing.

i'm so cranky today.

this is what sara's freaky name website thing came up with about me. a little scary, i'm not going to lie...especially since a great deal of it is true.


Emily:
The influence of Emily makes you positive, self-assertive, and independent. You can be creative, inventive, and ingenious in practical matters, such as handicrafts. When you have the opportunity to pursue your own goals and interests free from interference, you can feel very agreeable and express a buoyant optimism. On the other hand, you can be impulsive and forceful when opposed, and act without due forethought and discretion. Hence you have many bitter experiences and generally rather unsettled conditions in your life, with little progress and financial accumulation. You cannot tolerate any domination by others, or circumstances that restrict your freedom and independence. You are inclined to make changes abruptly in your life as an escape from such conditions. When annoyed or offended, you can be very candid and sarcastic in your speech. Many disruptions in friendship and association have thus resulted. Verbal expression is difficult for you, and you can be forthright in situations requiring delicacy, even though it is not your intention to be. The intensity of your nature would cause you to suffer in the senses of the head, as well as with digestive problems. You also would have a sensitivity in your solar plexus. In extreme cases, mental turmoil, major stomach operations, and accidents of a serious nature could occur.


kind of makes me sound like a deranged, psychotic, uberfeminist dominatrix with acid reflux disease doesn't it?

sick tonight. i hate days like today.

oh and i have a cavity for maybe the second time in my life. and you can actually see it! geez.

the fun just never ends.
thank the lord tomorrow is friday.

i had my first official shift of volunteering at MGH tonight and the few hours that i spent working there struck a chord in me so deep that i never even knew it existed. the things i saw tonight easily rank in the top five of the most intensely profound experiences of my life - and as a result i believe i have made headway in answering some tough questions concerning the future that i've been grappling with during the past couple months. i've been volunteering and working in hospitals since my junior year in high school, but i've never seen people that were as sick as the ones i spent time with tonight - and it scared the hell out of me, but at the same time it was so overwhelmingly awe-inspiring that words cannot even begin to do it justice.

tonight, i found myself staring through a maze of tubes, wires, and monitors at glimpses of the face of a 70something year old man whose condition was so unstable that he started having mini-convulsions on the stretcher while we moved him and his physician had to help us transport him to continually monitor the ekg machine that kept alarming - and i remember time just stopping for a split-second as i found myself imagining what he would be like if his eyes were open and he could talk to me, and wishing i could understand what terrible thing it was that went wrong with him that could render him entirely incapacitated as such. we as humans exist in such a precarious and delicate balance between so many different extremes - and for the first time ever tonight i saw the ugly side of the life-death continuum, which was, needless to say, unnerving. but i also witnessed the awesome power we have to heal - and i was blown away.

not bad for a friday evening.

so about last night...or maybe i should start with the afternoon...

ash and i went shopping on newbury street and had a lovely time of it. i got a new pair of boots and a nice new shirt from urban outfitters. i really like the shirt because it's not something i would normally choose for myself - but it's fun for the occasional party. following our shopping expedition, we came home and began preparations for our "first day of spring/21st b-day" fiesta.

i'd say that the party, in and of itself, was a success. everybody seemed to have a good time, we had just enough alcohol, and by some miracle the cops and off campus RAs managed to occupy themselves elsewhere. a bunch of my appalachia group came - and it was wonderful to see them, especially since i've been out of the appa-loop this week with all of my tests and the like. the radnor boys also came, alejandro and gritz came, my sister came, and my friend tom came - all of whom helped make the late night debauchery all the more enjoyable for me - i always get really nervous when we have parties, because they're not necessarily my thing, and large groups of people really freak me out, but having good people around you really helps to take the edge off of the anxiety. having a few drinks does as well. or in my case, too many drinks...as evidenced by me and my "behavior" and the events that occurred after 1:30. firstly, i'd like to apologize to everyone for my ridiculous loudness and crazy drunken rantings - i'm sure they were obnoxious and i thank everyone for just going along with them. i'd like to thank gritz for hanging out with me in the hallway when there got to be too many people inside - you're the best and i enjoyed our chat muchly =). once i came back into the apartment we played some flipcup until our second keg was tapped. that's when margot and i started chugging the remainder of my handle of smirnoff straight from the bottle. after that things are a little fuzzy and somehow i ended up on the couch and my roommates couldn't wake me up. the next thing i remember is my roommates and chris pesce hovering around me in the bathroom force feeding me crackers and water in between bouts of me puking my life away. i threw up 6 or 7 times and started crying. somehow my roommates managed to get me into pajamas - even though i couldn't stand up - and they put me to bed next to a bucket - which i apparently made use of during the course of the night...i woke up around 10:30 this morning feeling like i'd been hit by a truck, with the room still spinning, and with a very empty stomach that is still wretching - probably because it hates me. i remember being really scared because at one point last night i remember thinking that i was going to have to ask my roommates to take me to the hospital because i was seriously afraid that something was really wrong with me. every cloud has a silver lining if you look hard enough for it though, and all of this made me realize just how lucky i am to have such incredible friends and even though posting this in my livejournal is a sorely inadequate way of expressing my gratitude, i want to thank all of my roommates for taking care of me - i love you guys, and i thank God for each of you every day.

now i'm just trying to figure out what to do with myself for the rest of the day, what's left of it anyway.

i hope everyone else had a great weekend.

MOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

agh. except now I feel bad that our screaming killed it. it's not like it was doing anything to hurt us. and we hurt it. it was just a baby too.

that's girls for you all. i think my favorite part though was when barnikel came up and started screaming like a girl too - all 6'5" of him.

i'm so glad this week is OVER. i have no obligations for the entire weekend and i love having such a broad expanse of time that's open to endless possibility. in other words - i love having NOTHING to do unless i feel like doing it!

i think i might go see a movie tomorrow night as it's been a while since i've been able to go and do that...but it all depends on whether or not sara, sus, laura and i make good on our plan to get together after sara gets home from work. they're going to see guster in providence on sat so i won't see them for the rest of the weekend! sad!

i slept from 6:30-9:30 tonight but am still very tired so i think i will just head to bed now. hopefully it'll be a sleep free of rodent-nightmares. ewwwwwwwwww.

what's everyone else up to this weekend?
oh and P.S. your plans better include our party on saturday night!!!! i want to see everyone's smiling face there =) come on, you KNOW you secretly want to do the ice luge.

i have slept for a total of 6 hours in the last 48 and i seriously think i may be cracking up as a result. but the last 48 have been quite good and so maybe it's a good thing that i've been awake for most of it.

highs of my day:
1) i had to go into the lab today to conference with medha about what i need to do tomorrow since she'll be spending the majority of the day at the INS tomorrow, and i found out that the new purification i did under denaturing conditions worked. and not only did it work, but since the purification used high salt concentrations rather than detergents, the final prep was able to be used in import assays without killing the HeLa cells! i'm so excited because the lab has been trying for close to 3 years to get this to happen, and by some miracle it finally worked with the protein that i purified. dr. moroianu was going crazy, hugging me, talking at like a million miles an hour because she was so happy. i don't think it was really anything that i did - perhaps more of a being in the right place at the right time sort of thing - but it made me feel so good to know that i had played a part in making the breakthrough they've been looking for for so long. and in one split second, i realized that this really is what science is all about. and i love it.

2) physics exam went OK. i don't love physics.

3) getting to sit in on CT scans at mass general and see brain imaging. so cool.

must sleep now so i can get up early and study for my cell cycle midterm.

i
am so
tired.

and have so much more to do on physics before my exam at 1 tomorrow.

but i also have wonderful friends that just make life a hundred times better...and then some. who ever would have thought three years ago how lucky i would become in such a short time?

i love the quiet of the snow.

and now my thoughts are runningtogether and i must sleep.

1) one hundred years - five for fighting
2) excerpts from cinema paradiso - itzhak perlman
3) clark gable - the postal service
4) give it to me baby - rick james
5) the first time i ever saw your face - the boston pops
6) everybody wants to rule the world - tears for fears
7) recycled air - the postal service
8) relax - frankie goes to hollywood
9) stacy's mom - fountains of wayne
10)more to life - stacie orrico
11)the rain - missy elliot
12)hear you me - jimmy eat world
13)swan lake, act IV, final scene - boston pops
14)walk on the ocean - toad the wet sprocket
15)breathe - michelle branch

there's my 15 random songs that came up on my playlist. i've secretly always wanted to do this to see if it showed anything interesting about me. not quite - except that i have an interesting inclination toward particularly toolish 80's music. must have picked that up living at 1942 - hehehe (i love!!!)

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
And if you were with me tonight,
I'd sing to you just one more time.
A song for a heart so big,
god wouldn't let it live.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
May angels lead you in.

-Jimmy Eat World


This is my all-time favorite song and for some yet-to-be-determined reason I had an urge to post it tonight - maybe just because I've been listening to it more often than usual as of late. The words and message are so simple, yet so beautiful and powerful - all so exquisitely wrapped up into the framework of a few guitar chords. Every time I hear it, it manages to draw up so many things deep down inside of me that sometimes i don't even know exist - some so extraordinarily wonderful that i feel like i could explode and some that hurt deep down, to that place that always so opportunistically conjures the rock hard lump in your throat that's so hard to swallow and makes you hate yourself for being sad. Either way though, listening to it makes me feel like I've come home to something - that I've returned to a familiar feeling of comfort and peacefulness that always leaves me satisfied - lots of times I'll just fall asleep to it, especially when a lot is weighing on my mind, as is so often the case.